Juliana: Two Weeks Old

I'm not sure with what frequency I will be posting these updates, but the first two weeks are already a blur and I want to remember these days.  Mostly so that I'll never be tempted to have another baby.  :)  Half-joking!

It is amazing to me how you can be so completely in love and completely exhausted and mostly exasperated all at the same time these first few days and weeks.  Juliana is amazing and her creation and birth...her very being here is amazing and such a "full circle" moment for me.  Also, either Jaylyn was a perfect infant or I have completely forgotten what it is like to care for a newborn.  I don't remember being this tired the first go around.  I also have no recollection of being helpless to quiet a baby at times... like when I know Juliana isn't hungry or wet, when I've given her gas drops and burped her well, and she is still fussy.  Chris has asked me several times what is wrong with her in these moments...I think because I've done this before, he expects me to have some secret insight into the inner workings of infants.  I definitely wish I did!!  And I suppose, I'm more seasoned at changing diapers and giving baby baths.  I didn't freak out when her umbilical cord remnant came off--things like that.  But when Juliana is screaming at 3am, I'm surely as clueless as I was at 19.  (My friend Miranda told me that she remembers me saying similar things about the baby Jaylyn, which makes me feel better, although I still like remembering her as the perfect baby.)

Parenting a newborn is tough.  It's also a lot of fun and very emotional.  Entire days pass with me just gazing at Juliana's sweet face.  I can't believe how quickly time is passing, even with the sleep deprivation and mushy post-preggo brain.  She's already changing so much.

Juliana has not established much of a schedule yet, other than she loves to nurse and wants to do so often.  Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things I think a mother can do.  It is painful (at first, although I think we are over that hump now) and completely demanding.  It is really an extension of pregnancy since you are still sacrificing your body for your baby...since your baby is still in charge of your body.  I don't love it.  When she starts to cry to nurse after only an hour or 90 minutes since the last feeding, I fantasize about putting a nipple on the ready-to-eat emergency formula I have stashed in the kitchen.  I know that I won't give it to her, but that doesn't stop me from really wanting to at some point on most days.  I know that I am doing what is best for her and what is best for me (already being 5 pounds below pre-preganancy weight is a brag-worthy perk as well!).

Mostly I'm glad that I alone can offer her nourishment and what seems to be the ultimate comfort.  And that makes me very happy.  I know that it will continue to become a sweeter and sweeter time as my body adjusts and she gets a little bigger so that she can go longer between feedings.

I've encouraged Chris to write down his own thoughts and emotions about these first two weeks.  It has been amazing to see him become a father.  Nothing brings a couple closer than loving a child together.  I won't attempt to write his story, but I will say that he was completely unprepared to fall in love at first sight and hasn't stopped talking about it since.  His father said to me a few weeks before Juliana was born that he expected Chris to fall deeply and quickly in love with his daughter.  His father was completely right.  My heart nearly bursts with love watching Chris gaze at her in wonder.  He was nervous with her at first...a bit unsure of how to hold her and what to do to ease her cries, but he has quickly come into his own with her.  I hope I never forget his eagerness to do things "just right" these first few weeks.  Probably the first 10 times he changed her diaper, he would call me over to check his work.  Lesser, prideful men wouldn't have done that.  He is completely selfless in how he loves her as well as how he loves and takes care of Jaylyn and, especially, me.  He has completely taken over all the cleaning and meal prep and makes sure I always have a snack and something to drink.  The man barely lets me do anything for myself.  I love him so.  Also important to note: the sense of pride Chris takes when Juliana passes gas or fills her diaper loudly (which is always).  Only if you know Chris, does this make complete sense.

I have not completely wrapped my head around the fact that I have two daughters.  When I called Jaylyn from the hospital and told her that she had a new baby sister and offered to send a picture, she quickly refused and said that she wanted the first time she saw her to be in person.  I love that.  Jaylyn has been everything I knew she would be...helpful and sweet, loving and funny.  She has started getting herself up for school without parental prompting and she and Chris have taken over getting her lunches ready.  In the mornings, she lets us sleep but quickly comes in the bedroom to give Juliana and I a kiss goodbye, and also so I can see what she is wearing!  She is so busy with basketball and homework that she doesn't get to spend as much time with Juliana as she wants to, but she does hold her some everyday.  I don't know what kind of relationship my two girls will have with their age difference being so big.  I think they will blissfully get to miss out on the bickering that most siblings endure. I know that their relationship will be unique and I know that Juliana will adore her big sister and have such a good role model.

It seems like a lifetime ago, or rather that I was a different person, when Jaylyn was born.  When I see Jaylyn holding Juliana...I don't have any words to describe how I feel.  To be honest, it is still a bit bizarre to me to love another being like I love Jaylyn.  Yet I do....maybe words will come to me and I can explore that more later.

Two week stats:  8 lbs 13 oz, 21.5 inches long!  Juliana did the normal weight drop after birth and was down to 7.15 when we left the hospital.  At Jaylyn's two week check-up, she still hadn't gotten back to birth weight (the benchmark for healthy weight gain) because we had so many struggles with breastfeeding.  I was ELATED that Juliana has gained weight steadily and has passed her birthweight.  (This also makes her a bit chunkier than Jaylyn was at 2 weeks, even though Jaylyn was bigger at birth; length was the same for the two.)

The pediatrician, Dr. Breedlove, said she looked great and had no concerns.  Juliana's been doing the occasional baby cross-eyed thing, which Dr. Breedlove said was typical and should clear up by 3 months.  Jaylyn told me she'd blame my occasional glass of wine if her eyes didn't straighten out.  Crazy kid.

Juliana also left Dr. Breedlove flabbergasted when she rolled from her stomach to her back on the exam table.  She said we could officially tell the grandparents that she is advanced since she shouldn't be able to do that until 4 months!  She's done it a few times since then as well...

First big outing:  Her first official outing was when she was 5 days old for a weight check, but we won't count that.  She had her newborn photos taken at 10 days old and that was amazing, and then we took a chance and had a late lunch at Joe's Italian in Alabaster.  We left her covered up in her car seat and she slept the entire time.  Chris had a beer and I had a glass of wine and we felt like ourselves again.  It was lovely and perfect.  Umm...that makes it sound like we need to drink to be ourselves...not what I meant, although probably a grain of truth there. (Grain, ha!)  It was just nice to have a meal out and be adults for an hour.

Nicknames: Julie bean, the bean, milk monster.  I find myself wanting to use the same nicknames that I used for Jaylyn and wish I could be more original.  I've tried to think of new nicknames but that feels so fake and forced.  Juliana is such a big name for such a tiny little girl right now though.  And as Chris said last night when he was making up lyrics to songs for her, "And Juliana rhymes with...nothing."

Visitors in first 2 weeks:  Mom, Marty, MJ, Parker, Abby, DeWitt, John, Jessica, Cooper, Chloe, Amanda, Erin, Pamela, Tameka, Tonya, Laina, Chloe, Mia

A Control Freak With No Control: Juliana's Birth Story, Part 1

(Disclaimer:  I normally try to keep my wordiness in check when I write.  Since I want to fully record these memories, I didn't attempt to do that with this post.  This is going to be loooong.)

Tuesday.  April 9, 2013.

My spirits were really down.  A solid month had passed since my obstetrician told me he was sure I would go early because of the progress I'd made already.  A solid month of him being surprised every time I showed up for my weekly appointment and told me that he'd expected to hear from me on St. Patrick's Day, Easter, etc.

Even I thought I'd go "early" since Jaylyn had been 2 days early and the norm is for a 2nd baby to come earlier than a first baby.

My stance on induction had been simple and straightforward for years: babies come when babies are ready to come.  I've teetered on the edge of believing moms who had elective/early inductions were selfish for not letting their babies "cook" as long as they needed to.  But, there is something to be said for having to walk a mile in those shoes...

My spirits were down and I was spending everyday sitting around waiting for something to happen and becoming more and more annoyed at my friends and family who called (or politely texted or emailed) to get an update or even just to encourage me.  I know it is irrational, but I was feeling inadequate in some ways because nothing was happening.  There had been lots of buildup with no payoff.

The ultimate low was Easter weekend when I'd begun to have regular contractions on Friday night and then they stopped...after a nervous/anxious Chris came home from work, after my mom and sister drove up and spent the weekend (and some of the next week) with us in Birmingham.  We had a great weekend, spending time together, having pedicures and milkshakes and attending Easter services as a family.  Yet, I was experiencing an silent pressure (self-imposed, I'm sure) to perform...to get the show on the road.  I was completely and utterly helpless to make things progress, and being helpless/having no control about any situation I'm in is one of my most grace-LESS predicaments.  

In hindsight, I think that all of the emotions (read: hormones) that these feelings brought on Easter weekend were to blame for halting my progress...I think that wanting to be in labor so badly because my family had made the trip up actually had the complete opposite effect.  

Back to April 9...my doctor's appointment was mid-afternoon.  I was 3 days "overdue," and had spent the days before walking miles and miles at the dog park, going on a vigorous-for-a-preggo hike with Chris and the dogs, attending full days of Jaylyn's basketball tournaments and walking all over UAB's campus and the surrounding city blocks when Chris "misplaced" his car.  I had my hair done and makeup on--I looked put together in my maxi dress, but emotionally I was a mess.

Before the doctor examined me, we had "the talk."  The talk is the one I thought I'd never have to have...the one about how long he'd "let me go" and induction plans.  Dr. Ross wanted me to come in later in the week.  He was heading to Boston (he finished running the marathon about 20 minutes before the bombing; so glad he was unharmed) on Friday and hoped I'd come in on Thursday.  I knew that doctors really have little involvement with delivering babies and hadn't been too dedicated to having to have Dr. Ross present, but the doctor on call during the weekend was my least favorite in the practice and one my doula had had a bad experience with.  He was the only one I didn't want to deliver Juliana.  So, when Dr. Ross brought up "stripping my membranes," I agreed to it.  Considering my frame of mind, the increasing odds of induction, and the doctor I didn't care for being on call soon, it was a decision that I came to easier than I imagined I would.

I felt, as I told my doula, like a "bad natural child birther" for agreeing to any intervention.  She echoed what Dr. Ross said and told me that it would not jumpstart my labor unless my body was ready and that lots of people have it done and labor does not ensue.  It made me feel better about my decision.  Dr. Ross had told me to expect more cramping than usual and possibly some bleeding.

I went about my day, easily convincing myself not to expect anything to happen.  I went to the grocery store (bought myself lunch of fried chicken strips, hawaiian rolls, and chocolate turtles!) and then went to my hairdresser for a quick trim.

It seemed like it was just going to be another ordinary day.

Hair Bow Holder Before and After

I LOVE hair bows and ribbons on little girls.  For someone who dresses herself mostly in gray and black, I love to see a frilly, girly get-up on little girls!  I actually bought Juliana's first hair bows a few days before I found out I was pregnant!  I knew I could pass them along to friends if we ended up with a boy baby or no baby at all.

My aunt Ida Sue passed down my cousin Abby's hair bow holder for Jaylyn, and we still have it.  It is a white satin padded and covered hanger with pink ballet slipper ribbons, and it was surely the hot ticket 24 years ago.  (Happy Birthday this weekend, Abby!!)  People seem to have gotten a lot craftier though, and there are TONS of variations of these now.

I knew I wanted to make one for Juliana, and I knew that I wanted to be able to hang hair bands on it in addition to clipping her bows.  I looked on Pinterest for inspiration and went in search of a big frame.  (I found some great ideas on Pinterest, but people aren't pinning back to the source, so there were only pictures, no tutorials or links to the original crafter. Otherwise, I'd put in some links here to the ones I liked.)

I ended up finding the PERFECT one at Salvation Army for $14.  It was 24x28, and it was a framed canvas, perfect for popping out the canvas, recovering and then reattaching.

I headed to Hobby Lobby in search of fabric and only needed one yard of the gray and white polka dot fabric I chose.  It was on sale for less than $5 a yard.  I also picked up a roll of light pink ribbon (3 yards for $4 and I used a 40% off mobile coupon).  (Ok, I picked up four rolls because I temporarily mixed up yards and feet...I returned the 3 extra rolls though.  What can I say?  I'm really good at spelling.)

When I got home, I removed the staples holding in the canvas and painted the frame white.  You can't really tell in the before picture, but the front of the frame was an old, pink-ish color that was not pretty.  I decided to use real paint, not craft paint or spray paint.  It just covers better and more quickly to me.  I'm too impatient to use spray paint and ALWAYS end up with coats that are too thick and have drips.  For this, I used Glidden High Gloss in (off the shelf) white.  It ended up taking only 2 coats, and I used a regular paint brush that I use to paint trim.

Back inside, I made sure that you couldn't see the print on the canvas through the fabric.  Luckily you couldn't.  Otherwise, I would have painted a coat or two of white over the print as well.  In this case, I just positioned the canvas on the fabric and used a staple gun to secure it snugly.  Fold the corners like you are wrapping a present and trim the excess.  (I positioned the canvas to give me the most leftover fabric and saved my scraps in case I want to use them as a mat in a small frame or something down the road.)

Next I cut my ribbons to the right length, tried to do more math to space them evenly and then just went for it.  I attached them on the back with the staple gun as well.

Once the paint was dry on the frame, I laid it face-down on the carpet and used the staple gun to attach the canvas back to the frame.  This was not exact science since the frame and canvas were not flush with each other.  I just made sure one end of the staple went into the canvas (right over the fabric) and one went into the frame.

Then I screwed in little white hooks that we'd picked up at Home Depot or Lowe's.  I used the 1 1/4" hooks, 3 packages of 2 each.  I thought I might have to pre-drill the holes or something, but the frame was a soft wood and I was able to just muscle them in.  I used the ribbons as a guide with the spacing and didn't break out the measuring tape again!  I do think that having a real wood frame made this project easy and doable.  It took the paint great and the screws and staples.

Finished product on my bed

This is one of the quickest, cheapest, and easiest projects I've done in a while, and for once I wouldn't change anything,  Except all that wrong math I did...  This thing is really gigantic, and the pictures do not do it justice!  Once she grows out of hair bows, she can use this as a pin board or picture display, etc. I just thought of that!  :)

Hanging with all of Juliana's hair accessories!!

 And if she has no hair, the joke is on me!